One might be tempted to suspect that this degree of apparent tranquility is the result of company policy, company training, and great discipline. While that could be the case, those who are actually tranquil in all of their social interactions have a less stressful and more genuine way of dealing with conflict (at work, at home, and anywhere else).
How can real tranquility be achieved?
The work described in the previous chapters is essential. More needs to be said.
My tranquility stems from understanding how people get to be the way they are and forgiving them, and having gratitude for missing the worst influences, and not including revenge in my sense of justice, and dismissing involuntary recall of disturbing memories, and purging destructive feelings, one by one.
Let's consider anger. The words and language of anger are used as a warning, but of what? In the end, anger is about violence or nasty deeds. In the extreme, an angry person will see red, It is a cast of red color over the field of view seen by the angry person. This is due to an increased blood flow in the eyes caused by an outpouring of adrenal hormones. At this point, violence is exstremely likely.
Often, people pretend to be angry when they are not. They may feel concern for whatever the issue is, but they are merely taking care of business in the mistaken belief that feigning anger is the most appropriate and effective posture to take.
At this point, it would be useful to ask yourself a question: Do I identify with threats and violence?
Anger gets out of hand many times a day everywhere. We have a large number of impulsive murders. Some kill a wife or husband or an unruly child without planning to do so. These things happen only because of our cultural conditioning. They happen despite having been born without these reactions. They happen despite our ability to unlearn them. They happen despite the love we often feel.
There are problems and disputes. Neither the feeling nor the language of anger is ever a solution. Facing conflict without anger can become a habit, and a good one. The Daydreaming Method works. It works for every person who actually tries it.
What about resentment, fear, envy, anger, revenge, blame, hate, hostility, arrogance, selfishness, and the desire to control others? Each of these has a history replete with good reasons not to identify with it.
Not everybody suffers from envy, but you can see it in people and recognize it as the source of a lot of damage. It is related to a false sense of scarcity, and not recognizing the advantages of cooperation (as opposed to unfriendly competition), and failing to see yourself as one with humanity.
Many have noticed that countries having over-centralized decision making systems always promote the suggestion that the universe provides resources that are meager and hard to get. This may feel like a truism if you suppose that what you want is gained only through your work as an individual. Keeping productive methods secret doesn't help either; but there is another fact that is not sufficiently appreciated: The universe provides everything. People who see this thrive.
If you envy what others have, you are not very likely to support their efforts or understand how they have increased your ability to make gains yourself. There are always positive effects of lawful and constructive success. (If the success is not lawful and constructive, there is certainly no reason to envy it.) Envy is a kind of resentment that makes you feel enmity and isolation rather than friendship and good will. When an apparent difference of goals causes disagreement, people who are inclined to be envious rarely recognize opportunities for simultaneous solutions.
Who are you, and what do you seem to be to others?
The stressful and misguided desire to control the decisions that rightfully belong to others is a life-changing misfortune. It will subject you to destructive temptations and erode the trust that others have in you.
Seeking tranquility sometimes means seeking to escape from dangerous feelings. A very effective therapy is promoted on several websites that is intended for people who are normally conditioned by the existing culture. While not needed by people who have purged all destructive feelings and involuntarily recurring memories, it quickly addresses severe problems like the wish to hurt people or oneself. It is called the Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale. It is easy to find, but unfortunately, it is not often described as a solution only for people who are normally conditioned by the existing culture and who routinely have destructive feelings. This is a particularly unfortunate omission when it comes from spiritualists. The permanent goal must be to purge all destructive feelings together with the involuntary recurrence of disturbing memories.
For people who do not wish to use the Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale method or anything that uses destructive feelings, but who have not gone far in purging destructive feelings, there are other methods for dealing with a crisis. One of these uses a scale that lists feelings, as the Abraham-Hicks scale does, but omits destructive feelings. Here is an example:
Love
Compassion
Joy
Appreciation
Freedom
Enthusiasm
Eagerness
Optimism
Hopefulness
Satisfaction
Contentment
Thankfulness
Depending on the circumstances perceived by the distressed person, any of the feelings listed above can be introduced as one of the alternatives to the negative feeling or feelings associated with the distress.
Even a suicidal person might recall a past moment of thankfulness, for example, which is a much more positive feeling than the wish to die. It isn't just a matter of distraction. In a stressful state, a moment of positive energy is a healing influence. A reminder of love tends to change one's current perspective. Discussing even a short and mild change in feelings draws attention to the fact that the person's dread is not the only feature of life.
Reminding yourself of the feelings in the above list with examples from your own experience can be cathartic. You can will yourself to feel differently. Recall gratitude. Do you ever intentionally think of something positive to change your mood? Describing events that you found humorous, or beautiful, or joyful like music, or art, or travel, and actions that are invigorating, like a dance, can also help change your mood. Do you sing? Do you run? Pay attention to breathing for relaxation and calm. These feeling have more energy than any negative feeling.
Tranquility is seriously countered by fear. Fear must be addressed to guaranty tranquility.
Almost everybody would like to stay alive while also being physically functional and free of debilitating pain. We don't need a theory of instinct to account for this. We are incentivized by pleasures, obligated by responsibilities, and motivated to do things before we die. Nonetheless, fear often takes center stage.
We have policies, feelings, and reactions that are intended to keep us safe; but the motivation for these is not always fear, and needs not ever be fear.
There are two kinds of alarm. There is a moment of surprise that distracts you from whatever you are doing in order to attend to something else that is more urgent; and there is the same surprise that is accompanied by fear.
Fear reduces your ability to be effective.
Facing alarming circumstances with tranquility does not mean ignoring an urgent matter or considering it less urgent than it might be. Tranquility does not slow your reaction time. Tranquility does not impede your ability to think; and the quality of that thinking is not encumbered with destructive feelings.
The urgency at play is an urgent need for a solution. It is not the time to worry about who is going to pay the mortgage in your absence or any other such pessimistic concern.
You can use the Daydreaming Method to get accustomed to seeing yourself reacting as you would wish in all sorts of alarming circumstances. Although you will be working without a surprise alarm, your reaction to the circumstances that you can imagine will be modified in accordance with your intent.
Please take some time to reflect on your experiences. Realize that tranquility is inner peace.
Chapter 1 - Violence and Feelings
Chapter 2 - Involuntary Memories
Chapter 5 - Achieving Tranquility
Chapter 8 - Cancelling Limitations
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